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Monday, June 27, 2011
It Isnt In Me
How to define someone by what they are not. Pivotal moment can prompt you to write
From Denny: I’ve always worked from the inside out. Yet in the West, and especially in America, our culture tends to work from the outside, ignoring the "inside self" the majority of the time. And we wonder why America is a drug-plagued society with so much emotional and spiritual pain? There isn’t enough loving going around: yourself - as well as the stranger standing next to you!
You can love yourself without resorting to selfishness, stinginess or self-absorption. Just take good care of yourself as much as you would someone you value highly. Your world will improve dramatically when you adopt this philosophy.
Work on the plan that when the inside is clear and stable so goes the outside world – eventually. Often, there is a rocky phase as you transition in awareness, as your outside world transitions a bit more slowly trying to catch up with the inner you that tends to be a whole lot smarter.
The majority of life tests that I’ve experienced always seemed to employ the concept of something negative to push against in order to define who and where I was. I was always a placid, joyful, easy-going kid and a real people-pleaser, not jealous or ambitious. Some remnants of that core are echoed today.
Some would say those harsh experiences strengthened me into becoming mentally tough and a life warrior. True. It does take a while to balance yourself from that much aggression coming at you and returned aggression for survival. But balance I did and I’m still nice but now strong enough to defend and conquer anyone, anything, any time when required.
Was it worth it? My even-tempered self didn’t much like the chaotic drama and the constant meanness that came my way for no explainable reason, a childhood of extreme abuse. But yes, in the end, it was worth it.
Why? Because who and what I’ve always been has been about loving others when they can’t love themselves, caring for others when they are in transition, and lifting others up onto my spiritual shoulders and carrying them out of danger when they are exhausted, burned out and spent. I’ve been there so I know exactly how they feel when they think they just can’t go on any longer.
There was one instance where I was taking quite a beating as an eight year old child. I stood up and fell down, repeatedly, for a good 20 times. I couldn’t seem to hold my center of gravity with the larger and heavier aggressor. My will was stronger than his. My body was small and underweight but my spirit stood up time and time again when really my body couldn’t after such a pummeling.
Without prior knowledge, experience or teaching I was fully aware of Kundalini and Chi energy. Funny thing about abuse and when Death is your advisor, the beauty is that you never lose your connection to the Divine, your spiritual energy.
Culture, peer group pressure, ridicule all erode most people over time into severing their spiritual connection. It is such a slow insidious process it often goes undetected until one day a person feels so alone without any reason that makes sense.
When I think back to that beating it was one of the many pivotal points in my life. I still remember reeling and yet staggering back to my feet. Then came the sweetest words I ever heard, “Stay down! If you get up again I’ll just have to hit you again! Stay down!”
What did I do? I rose - and stood. My attacker was stunned I would not stay down. Then I saw something new; it was fear in his eyes as he looked at me. I broke him, finally, without raising a fist to hit him. And my older vicious insane brother walked away, quickly, picking up his pace into a run. He was clearly spooked.
I’ve been accused of being tenacious. True. I will never let go of Love. Love is how we all win. Sometimes, it just takes time.
I used this little poem to help define who I am today and how I’ve come to be defined through experiencing negative experiences. From an observer's point of view it was interesting to look at myself this way.
What was more interesting is how creativity showed me how to play on the Divine connection of the “I Am.” I’m a big fan of God in case you haven’t already guessed. :)
Maybe today you will take some time to reflect upon how you have been defined by your life tests? Are you in transition? Are you burned out? Do you truly love on the level you would like to experience?
It Isn't In Me...I... I... I... "M"
It Isn't In Me to view through jealous eyes other people
It Isn't In Me to hate those, well, who aren’t "me"
It Isn't In Me to fear what may never come
It Isn't In Me to worry about what I can’t control
It Isn't In Me to throw in with the deceivers, the mockers
It Isn't In Me to sit down when the storms of life descend
It Isn't In Me to steal another’s joy with malevolence
It Isn't In Me to suffer gladly those who inflict cruelty
It Isn't In Me to approve those who deem others unworthy
It Isn't In Me to ignore the face in the mirror
It Isn't In Me to fret over favorite clothing, out with the old, in with the new
It Isn't In Me to resent men as first class citizens in my own country
It Isn't In Me to be greedy for money, too stingy to give it away
It Isn't In Me to shirk social responsibility, blind-eyed to others hurting
It Isn't In Me to turn the other way and, well, not Love!
Copyright 15 June 2008
All Rights Reserved
*** White love birds photo by left-hand @ flickr
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